I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
