I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
