Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
