How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
