She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize