rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
