Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
