just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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