NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
