thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize