For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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