i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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