His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
