Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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