She's JV to your varsity
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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