I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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