That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
