Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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