Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
