apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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