I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
