Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
