I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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