I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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