I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
