Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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