wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize