We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
