If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And then he peed in my hair
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