is your mom at the bar?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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