Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dear god my vagina.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
