Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
