Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
