do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
