community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
