Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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