apparently the secret to your success is patron
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
