Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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