just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
