it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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