found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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