Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
