My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
