duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
