and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
