check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
