God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
