Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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