You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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