I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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