NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
