with your own penis?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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