Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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