no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
