he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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