Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
