Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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