I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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