1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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